People Have Been Sharing The Funny Ways They’ve Messed With Phone Scammers in This Hilarious Twitter Thread
In light of the recent Facebook data breach where loads of us had our contact details stolen by cybercriminals, we thought it might be time to consider how to mess with some of these phone scammers who cold call us intent on separating us from our money.
While most of us would simply refuse to answer calls from unknown numbers, others might opt to hang up on the pesky scammers. But it’s the third category of folk that this article is about — those clever, quick-witted individuals among us that decide to mess with phone scammers with all sorts of hilarious hijinks that delight and inspire us!
It all began when a comedian named Joe Heenan shared his trick for dealing with scam callers:
I love scam phone calls.
I pretend I’m an old Scottish woman desperate to pay them.
My record’s an hour.
I pretended to go to the toilet 4 times during that one & spent half an hour reading out my card details incorrectly.
At one point I said my couch was on fire.
— joe heenan (@joeheenan) April 3, 2021
We would have loved to have been a fly on the way during that conversation!
It wasn’t long before others responded with all the funny ways that they mess with scammers, too. Take notes, everyone! If your phone number was part of the Facebook data breach, you might be able to use some of these when the calls start coming in!
My fave is to be a “detective” investigating a murder at the premises, just picking up the phone and how the caller is a suspect as they must’ve known the occupant, and they must attend their nearest police station to help with enquiries….
— Karen ❤️🤍❤️🤍 (@KarenHeard) April 3, 2021
I tell them they need to speak to my Dad. He’s in the bath but he’s overweight and a suction seal is trapping him there. I’m looking for a wooden spoon to break the seal. Spoiler Alert: Mum doesn’t have a bath and Dad is no longer with us. I think he’d find it funny, hopefully.
— Dean Williamson (@ButchTwizzles) April 3, 2021
Last time I got the guy to repeat his schpeel four times in a row! He was then asking me for my bank name, so I spent a while trying to tell him the name of the bank manager. When I finally “realised” he wanted a bank name, I gave him a long list of UK bank names
— Benjamin Allen (@Gerwinstan) April 3, 2021
Scam caller: I understand you’ve been in an accident
Me: was that the one I was killed in?
Scam caller: please hold the line, I have to get my supervisor as I’m not allowed to deal with death cases
— Left Back in the Dressing Room™ (@RealCariari) April 3, 2021
I shout for my “Dad”, tell them he’s very old and slow. If they’re still there after 20 mins I say in an old-man’s voice, “Deirdre! The catheters come out and the end’s all cracked and bleeding again!” They tend to hang up. If not, I continue with a list of ever worse symptoms.
— Baron twattybanjo (@twattybanjo) April 3, 2021
I once feigned a heart attack.
— Nick Harvey (@mrnickharvey) April 3, 2021
I used to say “Oh thank GOD you’ve called – do you know how to get blood out of a cream wool carpet?”
— Suz Jamieson 🏴 (@SuzJamieson) April 3, 2021
For the proper scam ones I sing ‘I’m and little teapot’ until they hang up. One guy who was trying to get access to my computer started shouting at me fir ‘wasting his time’.
— Steve Blair (@UniversalExile) April 3, 2021
I faked a panic attack because I “couldn’t remember the car accident I’d been in and thought I must have amnesia”.
Freaked him the hell out. He said (and this is funny) “Forget it, there’s no accident, are you okay?” 😂
— Stacey (@Shep00A9) April 3, 2021
I fake cried massive sobs recently to a guy on the phone and went on to explain various personal (fake) problems I was having. He sounded so fucking awkward he hung up.
— Tashy McTashface (@TashP351) April 3, 2021
This is excellent.
My six year old son managed to keep a scammer on the phone for 20 minutes, and told him, when asked for a parent, that “daddy doesn’t live here, and mummy’s doing a big poo on the toilet”
I was sat next to him, shaking with laughter. https://t.co/F6pnexfRrq
— jacq (@ThatJacquiOne) April 3, 2021
I tell them I’m a burglar ‘No I don’t live here mate’ or my own 14 year old son ‘Dad? I think he’s gone out. What? No I’m 14’
— James Smith (@pramkzone) April 3, 2021
I tell cold callers that I’d love to talk to them, but they need to give me their password since we have a security policy. When they sound confused, I say ‘don’t worry, we can go through the password reset process….’ cue minutes of asking them sllly questions. Great fun.
— Tim Brassey (@timbrass) April 3, 2021
My mum pretends she doesn’t understand anything to do with tech and makes then explain what a browser is to the point they have to describe browser icons to her 🤣
— Mille Saisons (@MilleSaisonsUK) April 3, 2021
I taught my kids to shout out “mum, there’s a man on the phone for dad. When’s he back from prison?” https://t.co/GPHfztFQ6m
— Tilly Stockdale (@tillyvintage) April 3, 2021
I sometimes pass them around a range of characters until they get to ‘me’. The last one was concerned about illegal activity on my broadband. So I mentioned that my son was involved in the illegal trade of body parts, but that I had asked him to keep his ‘work’ on his mobile!
— Paul Booth (@PaulBooth111) April 3, 2021
Which ones do you think you might want to use to mess with the scammers?
Source: Twitter/Joe Heenan